SummerSlam: An Alternative Ending – The Yawn Yawned Around the World

The Briefcase Speaks - By Chirag Upadhyay

sting hogan taker

With the Undertaker having delivered tombstones and the pin inevitable darkness fell for the second time in a row at a WWE pay per view. Undertaker, in confusion, thinking he was having some sort of flashback/psychedelic episode was then confronted by the rumour…

The lights turned on. Sting appeared in the ring. Baseball bat in hand looking like Brandon Lee. The two make-up wearing geriatrics, inches apart, had a stare down that the WWE universe had been having wet dreams about for the last 20 years, and as tension reached a climax Sting let out an almighty yawn, one so powerful every viewer around the world yawned. The crowd, momentarily yawned, bringing to a sudden death the always original ‘this is awesome’ chant. It was the yawn yawned around the world.

…Four hours earlier, slippers in hand and face paint applied, Sting had rolled under the Summerslam ring where he was met by the awesome physique of Eric Rowan, scheduled to appear an hour earlier during the 2/3 Shield versus 2/3 Wyatt family match.

But that wasn’t the only surprise down there. In the corner, lurking in the pitch black darkness under the ring and between the tables and the chairs, a mumbling voice repeated a sentence over and over again…

‘All dark and black makes Hogan very angry’

‘All dark and black makes Hogan very angry’

‘All dark and black makes Hogan very angry’

‘All dark and black makes Hogan very angry’

‘All dark and black makes Hogan very angry’

‘All dark and black makes Hogan very angry’

‘All dark and black makes Hogan very angry’

‘All dark and black makes Hogan very angry’

‘All dark and black makes Hogan very angry’

‘All dark and black makes Hogan very angry’

‘All dark and black makes Hogan very angry’

‘All dark and black makes Hogan very angry’

‘All dark and black makes Hogan very angry’

Sting closed his eyes. How was he going to get any sleep with Hateful Hogan? Even listening to an Authority promo by the monotone Triple H wouldn’t fix this. And so he sat there unable to sleep, without any coffee, and with the sparkling promo skills of Eric Rowan in one ear and the rambling words of madness from Hateful Hogan in the other, and he knew it was to be a long night. Four hours for the viewer up there would feel like eight down below with these two and it dawned on Sting what it must have truly felt like to have to watch a live episode of Monday Night Raw, and a single tear formed and began to roll down his white powdered face as he reminisced about the Monday Night Wars…

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