Top 10 Terrible Chart Songs

By Matt Drake

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For me, personally, I’ve never really been much of a fan of chart music. I mean, some of it can be OK, definitely

Sometimes a really talented artist, or an artist I’m a fan of will make an appearance. But for the most part the album charts are just full of garbage!

I’m sure that even if you like chart music then you must agree that sometimes abominations which seem as though they spawned from the devil himself can find their way into the top 100 – sometimes even the top ten!

So here’s a countdown of some of worst hit singles of all time:

10.  Babylon Zoo – Spaceman

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCbAEkfXSDE

This was the first single off Babylon Zoo’s début album “The Boy With The X-Ray Eyes”. It was featured on a Levi jeans advert and as a result the single went straight to no.1, surprisingly it was the fastest selling single since The Beatles “Can’t Buy Me Love”. However, a lot of the people who bought the single allegedly felt ripped off, the advert only played the sped up segment and they were disappointed to hear distorted guitars afterwards. To be honest it would have been a much better song if they kept it as a dancey track with sped up vocals, but they didn’t….

The lead singer also made an appearance on Brass Eye in which he was torn a new one by Chris Morris:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3XgouVH9-Y

9. Rod Stewart – Da Ya Think I’m Sexy?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hphwfq1wLJs

There was a time when Rod Stewart was actually fairly respectable. When he sang for the Jeff Beck group he was considered to be a great vocalist. But this! This is just poor, and he just sank lower until he was flogging Christmas albums to grannys.

8. Five – We Will Rock You

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0uDWynfCQc

This is an absolute abomination, like seriously, I weep for mankind. On a quiet night you can still hear Freddie Mercury spinning in his grave…

7. Catherine Zeta Jones – For All Time

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQFzR8Vca4M

That’s right, Catherine Zeta Jones had a singing career! I must say though she’s a much better actress then she is a singer (and she’s not even that good an actress…)

6. Teletubbies – Teletubbies Say Eh Oh

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FItP77HqV9c

Who would have thought this would get annoying after a while?

5. Aqua – Barbie Girl

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZyhrYis509A

For some reason this managed to stay at no.1 on the British charts for three weeks! It’s sold 8 million copies worldwide with 1.8 million in the UK alone, making it the thirtieth biggest selling single in the UK….

4. The Cartoons – Witch Doctor

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNAr5tzZxdk

Again, how the hell has a country which bore The Beatles, Led-Zepellin, The Rolling Stone allow a song like this to reach number 2!? You know what the worst part about it is? It’s a cover! A cover song!

3.  Mr Blobby – Mr Blobby

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h37KQu64RY4

Notice Jeremy Clarkson at the start of the video?

2. Cheeky Girls – The Cheeky Song (Touch My Bum)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2CFXhjIoS9k

Despite the terrible quality of this track it sold 1.2 million copies worldwide. There were also famous when it was revealed that former Liberal Democrat MP Lembit Opik broke off his engagement to presenter Sian Lloyd in order to go out with one of the Cheeky Girls, Gabriela.

1. Celine Dion – My Heart Will Go On

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHG2oizTlpY

It’s incredibly befitting that this song was to be the theme for a movie about one of the greatest tragedies in human history… because so is this song… If I had my way I’d bury every single copy of this track and give it to the ocean. But everything’s digital nowadays so I don’t know how much that would help…



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