The Briefcase Speaks – The Week’s WWE Gossip Heading Into WrestleMania
By Chirag Upadhyay – @PontiusShah
The charge sheet included calling Crossfit Jesus a ‘bitch’ in the opening promo of RAW and then in the main event flipping double birds, once again, at My Money In The Bank. This was followed by Orton 3:16 delivering a beating dripping with a viper’s poison. Rumour has it WrestleMania 31 will now have a ‘not PG’ clash between the future and the face.
Icons On The Beach
Initially mistaken for members of the rock band Kiss, Undertaker and Sting were spotted walking along Venice beach, California. The eyewitness confirmed they were dressed from head to toe in black and adorned with white face paint further confirming suspicions they won’t be seen in a wrestling ring until the show of shows.
Home Sweet Home
Rusev and Lana have purchased a new villa in Nashville, Tennessee. A local news reporter speculated seeing a Russian flag hanging on the cloth’s line, and this has led to a nightly mob appearing on the front lawn of their new home chanting “USA, USA, USA” until the early hours. Lana was heard screaming ‘shut up, shut up, shut up!’ on a number of occasions.
Repo-Truth In High Demand
After hearing Paul Heyman tell the WWE universe Brock Lesnar wouldn’t be returning the World Heavyweight Championship belt, Vince McMahan acted immediately by hiring R-Truth to reacquire the belt anytime anywhere, therefore transforming the WHC belt into the WWE World Heavyweight Hardcore Championship Belt.
Dust to Dust, Ashes to Ashes
Citing a lack of competitors, Creative delivered the last rites to a possible dust brother feud by inserting Stardust in the ladder match for the IC title at WrestleMania.
Bad News Bryan
Daniel Bryan’s new gimmick is for Creative to deliver him bad news week after week. This week he was forced to be a cog in the undermanned IC ladder match. Next week Creative has instructed Repo-Truth to recruit Bryan as a clumsy, bumbling assistant. All that surgery must seem like a great idea right now.